Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
