Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
