Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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