Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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