OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
