porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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