My room smells like vodka and shame
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
