Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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