omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
