Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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