I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
