but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We are all done wearing pants today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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