My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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