I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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