I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
