Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize