We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His nipple licking is glorious
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