I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
