you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
