He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
