this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
