no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
