hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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