the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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