Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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