They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
