mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
