You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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