I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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