I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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