I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
