he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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