my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
