he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
