why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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