i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
