dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
