I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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