yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
