You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
