bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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