a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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