Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
