Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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