ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
