i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
