I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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