I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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