420 ftw
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
