I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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