Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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