I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
