My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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