some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
