coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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