plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
