we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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