You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize