Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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