just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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