this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
