yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
