We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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