just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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