we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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