she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
