Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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