When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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