My hand turned me down
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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