those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
