beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
